A look back at February

Well, I didn't read a single book, spend a single minute in the garden or knit a single stitch in February. Last month was so stressful and hard, I don't really wish to ruminate a whole lot over it. The month ended with my first ever migraine aura, despite being on daily meds for chronic migraines. The stress has been that bad. 

I started a new job at a coffee shop, for which I am grateful. However, I spend all day stressed out worrying that people from my last job will come in and find out that I took a job that pays so poorly. I worry that I'll have to serve a certain person in my life who's seemingly made it her life mission to make me and my family miserable. I feel so much shame and self pity and I know I shouldn't. It's self indulgent, and then I feel like an asshole for feeling so sorry for myself.

Spending time out in my garden in the fresh air and sun was part of what dragged me out of the depression spiral last summer while things were getting worse and worse. The fact that it's snowing outside right now and I'm not able to get out there and plant something is a blow. It's an irrational blow, but I'm in a low place at the moment.

I haven't written much lately, and it's probably a good thing. I'm having a really rough time.